Monocle

What is the worst thing a front desk clerk can say upon check-in at a favourite hotel?

A) "I’m really sorry but your room’s not ready yet as we had a wave of late check-outs this morning. Do you mind grabbing an early lunch and coming back in two hours?"
B) "I’m sorry (clatter of nervous nails across a well-worn keyboard), I can’t seem to find your reservation. Are you sure you booked at this particular property? (More nails across keyboard). You do know we have several sister hotels also in the area, so perhaps you booked in one of those by mistake?"
C) "Welcome back. It’s so lovely to see you again. We’ve got you a wonderful upgrade to one of our newly renovated suites. I think you are really going to love it as we worked with a great interior designer who really wanted to bring a bit of Bali mixed with Palm Springs to the Upper East Side."

While none of the above are great openers, I think there’s nothing worse than having to confront a much-loved friend who’s had an appalling round of cosmetic surgery. Is it the discomfort of having to look at what was once a wonderful face full of lines, life and character that is so painful?

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Tyler Brûlé's Fast Lane column at FT.com

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